This Is My Confession

PART UN
OK, so I'm going to be honest - for awhile, I haven't had time (slash made time) to pray...to really dig into the nitty gritty of why I'm doing what I'm doing in life and where God wants to lead me and all that. I mean, I pray for others when I remember, but it's such a haphazard way of praying and not at all structured. Half the time, I'm falling asleep as I pray and I find myself repeating the same prayers over and over again without realizing it (Ack! How's that for focused?). I guess you could say that my quiet time with God has taken a back burner to other concerns (working two jobs plus a writing gig) so I always seem like I'm working 24/7...and all I want to do on my day off is sleep. And sleep some more.

Now, my time at the Purpose Driven Connection is coming to a close. I, along with my co-workers, have been let go. Which means I'll be job hunting yet again at the end of this month. Two weeks ago, that kind of unnerved me and I was in a constant state of denial, putting off revising my cover letter and resume and all that. It took me a long hard time to even get to this position (I didn't get a call-back til a month later!), and to suddenly lose it is nothing short of disappointing.

However, even in the midst of these changes, I'm certain more than ever that God gave me the gift and passion for writing...and it will always be with me. That I was meant to write. That's why I think it's funny when people ask me if I went to school to be a writer. My automatic response is: What are you talking about? I already am one. (Understand, I've been doing this since I was eight - writing stories, poems, plays, journaling religiously...but I guess that's for another entry and another life story/biography or what have you). <--Sorry if that whole second part sounded repetitive: I can no longer remember what I've already posted here and what I haven't. Yay short-term memory!

PART DEUX
Joe C. and I have decided to enter the Ultimate Thailand Explorer trip. Our combined love of writing, blogging, filming and being our goofy, wacky selves has led us to combine forces and make a go of it. Maybe it's the inner wanderlust kicking in. Maybe it's the tantalizing possibility of traveling somewhere different, of immersing ourselves in a culture not our own. Or maybe it's the food (heh).

My friend commented: Maybe God will let you win so that you can minister to the people of Thailand. At first I thought this was kind of a stretch. I mean, I never really thought of myself as a "missionary" but I guess you can serve God in many different capacities. Regardless, he does have a point - Thailand has its share of darkness. For one thing, sexual trafficking runs rampant, and pretty much everyone knows about the red light district and trannies (AKA 'ladyboys').

So please pray that the judges like us! =p No but seriously...this could be our ticket to somewhere. If only to gain some global experience.

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PRAYER REQUESTS
I'm still kind of stoic about the job thing. Maybe because I know that God has my future in His hands, and He has good plans for me. What those are, I have yet to find out. In the meantime, please pray that God would give me life direction, discernment and that I'd be able to find a church/community here in New York...if this is indeed where I'm going to be in the upcoming months. I know these requests may sound like the same ones from six months ago. I guess things are taking longer to progress than I thought...

Peace & Perseverance~