Survival of the Fittest

I survived arguably the longest and hardest week of my life, which ended yesterday at 9:00 pm. Luckily it wasn't due to the concept of survival of the fittest, because that never really would have worked out for me, but instead was due to God, who can even when you can't.

Maybe I'll update this post later since this is extremely vague.


08.24.2009 6:13pm--
So...............

This past week was my first week at work and I worked 65+ hours. The thing I was praying for this entire week was that God would change my heart and my mind about the job, because I had a pretty bad attitude. On Monday I got upset because I found out that I had to work on Sunday (yesterday) for the festival, and I wouldn't be able to attend church anywhere at any of the times because it was an all day thing. And every time I missed church this summer, the week was always a little off. But, I figured I had to suck it up and stop complaining. I was also somewhat bitter, because all I really wanted to do was to talk about Jesus and have spiritual conversations and pray for people, which of course I wasn't doing. Then on Tuesday I found out that I had to work on Saturday for ~6 hours, and I take Sabbath on Saturdays. I was really mad at God because I felt like doing the whole AmeriCorps thing was me trying to be obedient to where God was leading me, and now He was taking all of my time with Him away?!?!? And then I had to work overtime every day except for Monday, and on Thursday it was until 7:30.

Yesterday was actually really good. Unfortunately I had to work 6:30am-7:30pm and it takes an hour to commute. But.... it was really good. I definitely felt like God was changing my attitude and my heart and working in me and doing things in me that I can't even really explain, but it was definitely all God because there's just no way I could have been able to have survived the day on my own strength, considering how in the morning I really believed that I was going to die. And I had a lot of really really good conversations with individuals. I definitely feel that I have a renewed outlook on the job.

Today, I got to take Sabbath! :) Which was a real blessing. I was praying and thinking about how I still deeply desire to go into full time ministry... and I think that God isn't saying no to that desire per se, but He is saying no to the timing. Not that I was holding onto it or anything like that, but I was thinking about why God didn't let me intern with IV or do AmeriCorps with Vineyard Church. Today I felt God saying that He placed me in my position intentionally and that there is something specific that I need to learn in that "secular" setting (although we know very well that Jesus is there just as much as he is in ministry or whatever) and something specific that He needs to grow and change in me, here, in the position that I am in.

Prayer requests....
- humility.
- the eyes to see and ears to hear Jesus every single day of my life.
- God's eyes to see the people I come in contact with the way that He does, and the ability to love out of His heart.
- God's vision for me at my workplace this year... specifically addressing the question "What does it mean for me to be a Christian in a non-profit where everyone is 100x more passionate than I am?"
- that I will be able to continue to walk in obedience and truth, and surrender whatever He calls me to surrender.
- that I can be made poor, as to be filled by God.


ps- this is Kristal. In case you didn't realize. Because I just realized that my username is not my name.